How to Write Drunk Characters Without Making Them Cartoons

Your character has one drink and immediately starts slurring, stumbling, and saying "I love you" to everyone. Or they drink heavily all night and wake up the next morning completely fine with no hangover, ready for action.

Neither is how alcohol actually works. Intoxication is progressive - one drink doesn't cause extreme impairment, and heavy drinking has consequences the next day. Understanding realistic alcohol effects - how quickly it works, what each stage looks like, how it actually impairs function - makes drunk scenes believable instead of cartoonish.

This guide covers realistic alcohol intoxication—how alcohol absorbs and metabolizes, progressive stages from buzzed to dangerously drunk, what drunk people actually do and say, writing dialogue without phonetic nightmares, hangover realities both physical and emotional, different drunk personality types, specific behavioral patterns like drunk texting and trying to hide intoxication, mixing alcohol with different social contexts, and handling dangerous scenarios responsibly.

How Alcohol Actually Works

Absorption and Timing

**Not instant**: Alcohol must be absorbed through stomach and intestines into bloodstream. Takes 15-45 minutes to feel effects of a drink.

**Progressive buildup**: Each drink adds to blood alcohol level. Effects accumulate over time. Character doesn't go from sober to drunk with one sip.

**Peak delay**: Blood alcohol level peaks 30-90 minutes after last drink. Character can feel "fine" while still getting drunker from drinks already consumed.

**Food matters**: Food in stomach slows absorption. Drinking on empty stomach causes faster, stronger intoxication.

Metabolism and Sobering Up

**Body processes alcohol slowly**: Roughly one standard drink per hour. Can't speed this up with coffee, cold showers, or "walking it off."

**Time is only cure**: Character who had 6 drinks needs 6 hours to sober up completely. Period.

**Coffee doesn't help**: Makes them alert drunk, not sober. Still impaired.

Tolerance Differences

**Regular drinkers**: Higher tolerance. Takes more alcohol to feel effects. But still getting physically impaired even if not feeling it.

**Occasional drinkers**: Lower tolerance. Fewer drinks cause impairment.

**Body size matters**: Larger person can handle more alcohol than smaller person. Differences in body composition.

Stages of Intoxication

Buzzed (1-2 Drinks)

**Physical**: Warm feeling, slight dizziness, mild coordination impairment (barely noticeable).

**Mental**: Relaxation, lowered inhibitions slightly, more talkative, better mood.

**Judgment**: Mostly intact but starting to take small risks they wouldn't sober.

**Writing it**: "He felt the warmth of the whiskey spreading through his chest. The edges of his stress softened. One more drink wouldn't hurt."

Tipsy/Moderately Drunk (3-4 Drinks)

**Physical**: Noticeable loss of coordination, slightly slurred speech, slower reaction time, flushed face, louder voice.

**Mental**: Lowered inhibitions significantly, emotional responses stronger, confidence inflated, memory starting to get spotty.

**Judgment**: Impaired. Making decisions they'll regret. Overestimating their capabilities.

**Social**: More outgoing, oversharing, physical boundaries looser (touching people more, invading space).

**Writing it**: "Her words ran together slightly. She steadied herself on his arm, laughing too loudly at her own joke. 'I'm not even drunk,' she insisted, contradicting herself."

Drunk (5-6 Drinks)

**Physical**: Significantly slurred speech, stumbling, must concentrate to walk straight, poor fine motor control (can't text properly, drops things), nausea possible.

**Mental**: Judgment severely impaired, emotional swings (happy to sad to angry quickly), memory formation unreliable (brownout - spotty memory).

**Awareness**: Thinks they're less drunk than they are. Insists they're "fine" while obviously impaired.

**Repetitive**: Repeating same stories or statements. Attention span very short.

**Writing it**: "He tried to focus on her face but she kept moving. Or the room was moving. He wasn't sure. 'I'm fine,' he said, words thick and clumsy. He stood, immediately sat back down. Maybe not fine."

Very Drunk (7+ Drinks)

**Physical**: Cannot walk without support, severe coordination loss, vomiting likely, unconsciousness possible, dangerous territory.

**Mental**: Blackout possible (forming no new memories despite being conscious), minimal awareness, can't make decisions.

**Dangerous**: Alcohol poisoning risk. Can't care for themselves. Need monitoring.

**Writing it**: "Everything was fragments. The floor, someone's hands pulling her up, vomiting into toilet, cold tile. Then nothing. She woke in bed with no memory of getting there."

What Drunk People Actually Do

Overestimate Sobriety

Drunk people think they're less drunk than they are:

"I'm barely buzzed. I can totally drive." (Cannot drive. Severely impaired.)

"I'm not slurring!" (Definitely slurring.)

Judgment includes judging own impairment. They're wrong about their capabilities.

Repetition

Drunk people repeat themselves:

"I love you guys. No seriously, I love you. Have I told you I love you? Because I do."

Same stories multiple times. Same questions. Short-term memory impaired.

Emotional Amplification

Whatever they're feeling gets bigger:

**Happy drunk**: Everything hilarious, loves everyone, overly affectionate.

**Sad drunk**: Cries about everything, brings up old hurts, depressive.

**Angry drunk**: Picks fights, takes offense easily, aggressive.

**Honest drunk**: Overshares, says things they'd normally filter.

Personality influences drunk behavior. Normally angry person more likely to be angry drunk. Normally affectionate person more likely to be touchy drunk.

Physical Affection

Boundaries loosen. Drunk people touch more: hugging, arm around shoulders, leaning on people, invading personal space.

Not necessarily sexual - just less awareness of physical boundaries.

Coordination Failures

Specific ways drunk people struggle:

**Walking**: Wide stance for balance, careful steps, hand on wall, veering off course.

**Fine motor**: Can't unlock door with key (takes multiple tries), can't type (typos), drops things.

**Speech**: Slurred, slower, mixing up words, losing train of thought mid-sentence.

**Vision**: Double vision, difficulty focusing, things seem to move.

Poor Decision Making

Drunk logic seems brilliant at the time:

"Let's walk five miles home! It'll be fun!" (Bad idea.)

"I should text my ex." (Definitely bad idea.)

"I can totally do this dangerous thing!" (Cannot.)

Judgment impairment is alcohol's primary effect. Show characters making questionable choices that seem reasonable to drunk them.

Dialogue for Drunk Characters

Slurred Speech

Don't write every word phonetically slurred. Suggest it:

**Bad**: "Ahm naht dhrunk. Whadda you meen?"

**Better**: "I'm not drunk," he said, words running together. "What'd you mean?"

Or: Show struggle to form words rather than spelling them out: "He started to explain, stumbled over the words, tried again."

Loss of Filter

Drunk people say things they'd normally keep inside:

"You know what? You're actually really pretty. Like really pretty. Have I mentioned that? Why haven't we - why aren't we..." trails off, having lost thought.

Oversharing, inappropriate honesty, confessions.

Rambling and Tangents

Drunk people lose thread of conversation:

"So anyway, I was at the store - wait, which store? The one on Fifth. No, Third. Whatever. And this guy - you remember that guy from work? Not that one, the other one - wait, what was I saying?"

Simplified Vocabulary

Drunk people use simpler words. Accessing complex vocabulary is harder when impaired:

Sober: "The situation was untenable."

Drunk: "It was bad. Really bad. I couldn't - it was just bad."

The Hangover

If character drank heavily, they have hangover. Can't skip consequences.

Physical Symptoms

**Headache**: Dehydration and alcohol withdrawal. Throbbing, worse with light and sound.

**Nausea**: Stomach upset. May vomit even the next day.

**Dehydration**: Dry mouth, extreme thirst, dizziness.

**Fatigue**: Alcohol disrupts sleep. Exhausted despite sleeping.

**Sensitivity**: Light and sound hurt. Sunglasses indoors. Wanting quiet.

**Body aches**: Everything hurts. Muscles sore.

Mental/Emotional

**Brain fog**: Can't think clearly. Difficulty concentrating.

**Anxiety**: "Hangxiety" - increased anxiety and worry.

**Regret**: "What did I do? What did I say?" Embarrassment about drunk behavior.

**Mood**: Irritable, depressed, fragile emotionally.

Memory Gaps

**Brownout**: Spotty memory. Remembers some things but not others.

**Blackout**: No memory formation during period. Conscious at time but creates no memories. Waking up with no idea how they got home or what they did.

This is terrifying and concerning, not played for laughs.

Duration

Hangovers last hours to full day depending on how much drunk. Can't just power through. Need time, hydration, food, rest.

Writing Hangover

"She woke to stabbing pain in her skull. The sunlight was an assault. Her mouth tasted like something died in it. Moving made her stomach lurch. She stayed very still and regretted every decision from the previous night."

Different Types of Drunks

Not everyone drunk the same way.

**Happy drunk**: Life of party, loves everyone, dancing, laughing, affectionate.

**Sad drunk**: Cries, talks about pain, depressive, withdrawn or overly emotional.

**Angry drunk**: Confrontational, picks fights, loud, aggressive.

**Sloppy drunk**: Physical mess, stumbling everywhere, vomiting, passing out.

**Quiet drunk**: Gets quieter as they drink, withdrawn, sleepy.

**Horny drunk**: Lowered sexual inhibitions, flirty, inappropriate.

Match drunk behavior to character's personality and situation. Stressed character might be sad drunk. Angry character might be angry drunk. Context matters.

Specific Drunk Behaviors

Drunk Texting and Phone Use

Typos multiply: Can't coordinate fingers properly. Autocorrect can't save them.

"He stared at his phone, trying to type. His fingers wouldn't cooperate. 'I msis yiu' became 'I miss to' became finally, on third try, 'I miss you.' Send before he could reconsider."

Oversharing digitally: Sends messages they'll regret. Texts ex. Posts embarrassing things. No filter applies to digital communication too.

Losing phone: Drunk people lose phones constantly. Left at bar, dropped, can't find in own pocket.

Trying to Appear Sober

Overcompensation: Trying so hard to act normal that it's obvious they're drunk. Enunciating too carefully, standing too straight, being overly polite.

"'I am completely sober,' he announced, focusing intensely on each word. The concentration required to speak clearly was proof he was anything but."

Failing the act: Little slips reveal intoxication. Stumbles they try to play off. Slurred word they pretend didn't happen.

Getting caught: Friend, parent, boss seeing through the act. "Are you drunk?" "No!" (Obviously drunk.)

Drunk Eating

Sudden hunger: Alcohol lowers blood sugar. Drunk people get ravenously hungry for specific foods (usually carbs, grease, salt).

"She needed pizza. Right now. Nothing else would do. The search for pizza became mission of utmost importance."

Messy eating: Coordination problems extend to eating. Spilling, dropping food, sauce everywhere.

Weird combinations: Drunk logic creates bizarre food pairings that seem brilliant at the time.

Drunk Crying

Sudden emotional outburst: Goes from fine to sobbing. Often triggered by something small.

"The song came on. Just a song. But suddenly she was crying. Not delicate tears—full sobbing, mascara running, can't breathe crying about everything wrong in her life."

Unable to articulate why: Can't explain what's wrong. Everything and nothing.

Eventually stops: Emotional storm passes as quickly as it arrived. "I'm fine. I don't know why I'm crying."

Bathroom Situations

Frequent urination: Alcohol is diuretic. Drunk people pee constantly.

Bathroom as refuge: Escaping overwhelming social situation to sit in bathroom stall and collect themselves.

Coordination challenges: Navigating bathroom drunk is hazard course. Small space, need to aim, balance issues.

Bathroom bonding: Drunk people (especially women) bond intensely in bar bathrooms with complete strangers.

Alcohol in Different Contexts

Social Drinking

Bonding mechanism: Shared intoxication creates camaraderie. "We were so drunk" stories.

Peer pressure: "Come on, one more." Pressure to drink as much as others.

Competition: Who can drink most, drinking games, showing off tolerance.

Social lubricant: Easier to talk to strangers, flirt, dance when inhibitions lowered.

Drinking to Cope

Numbing pain: Using alcohol to not feel emotions. Temporary escape.

"He poured another drink. And another. Trying to reach the point where he'd stop thinking about it. Didn't work. Never worked. But he kept trying."

Drinking alone: Different tone than social drinking. Sadder, more desperate.

Doesn't solve problems: Problems still there when sober. Often worse because of drunk decisions.

Celebration Drinking

Permission to overdo it: Special occasions as excuse to drink more than usual.

Group excess: Everyone drinking heavily together. Wedding receptions, New Year's Eve, bachelor parties.

Regret despite good intentions: Started as fun, ended as hangover and embarrassment.

Nervous Drinking

Liquid courage: Drinking to calm nerves before difficult situation.

Backfires: Too much means impaired during thing they needed to be sharp for.

"One drink to calm his nerves before the speech. Then one more for good measure. By the time he stood at podium, he was too relaxed—words slipping, focus sliding."

Dangerous Drinking Scenarios

Alcohol Poisoning

Warning signs: Vomiting while unconscious, slow breathing, cold/clammy skin, blue-tinged skin, can't wake up.

Medical emergency: This is life-threatening. Requires immediate medical attention.

Recovery position: If unconscious but breathing, on their side so they don't choke on vomit.

Don't leave them to "sleep it off": People die from alcohol poisoning. Take seriously.

Vulnerable Situations

Impaired consent: Drunk people cannot give meaningful consent. Important for any sexual situations.

Target for crime: Drunk people vulnerable to robbery, assault, getting taken advantage of.

Getting home safely: Drunk person alone at night is safety concern. Friends ensuring they get home safely.

Drunk Driving

Severely impaired from first drink: Reaction time, judgment, coordination all affected.

Drunk person thinks they're fine: Judgment includes judging own ability to drive. "I'm okay to drive" from drunk person is not reliable assessment.

Consequences: Legal consequences serious. But more importantly, risk of killing themselves or others.

Write responsibly: If character drives drunk, show it as serious mistake with consequences, not normalized behavior.

Mixing with Medications

Dangerous interactions: Alcohol interacts with many medications. Amplified effects, reduced medication effectiveness, toxic combinations.

Particularly risky: Anxiety medications, sleeping pills, pain medications, antidepressants.

Research specific medications: If character takes medication and drinks, research that specific interaction.

Common Mistakes

**Instant drunk**: One drink and immediate impairment. Takes time.

**No hangover**: Heavy drinking without consequences. Unrealistic.

**Coffee sobers up**: Coffee just makes alert drunk. Time is only cure.

**Everyone's funny drunk**: Drunk people can be annoying, sad, angry, or messy - not always comedic.

**Truth serum**: "Drunk words are sober thoughts." Not necessarily. Drunk people lie, exaggerate, and say nonsense too.

**Drives fine**: No. Impaired driving from first drink. Gets worse with each drink.

**Perfect memory**: If drunk, memory is impaired. May not remember night clearly.

Alcoholism vs. Getting Drunk

Problem drinking is different from social drinking:

**Tolerance**: Needs more to feel effects. Drinks to function, not for fun.

**Dependence**: Physical withdrawal symptoms. Shakes, sweats, anxiety.

**Compulsion**: Can't stop at one drink. Drinks more than intended.

**Consequences**: Continues despite problems (relationships, work, health).

If writing alcoholic character, research addiction portrayal respectfully. It's disease, not moral failing or comedic trait.

Making It Work

Show progressive intoxication, not instant drunk. Match impairment level to number of drinks and time elapsed. Include physical effects (coordination loss, slurred speech) and mental effects (lowered inhibitions, poor judgment, emotional amplification).

Show drunk behavior authentically: overestimating sobriety, repetition, oversharing, coordination failures specific and realistic. Write dialogue suggesting slurred speech without phonetic spelling nightmare.

Include consequences. Heavy drinking means hangover next day. Character shouldn't wake up fine after drinking all night. Show physical and emotional aftermath.

Match drunk behavior to character personality and context. Not everyone is happy funny drunk. Respect that intoxication is vulnerability and impairment, not always comedy. Balance realism with story needs.

Include specific drunk behaviors that readers recognize: drunk texting with multiplying typos, trying desperately to appear sober while obviously failing, sudden emotional outbursts about everything and nothing, ravenous hunger for specific foods, bathroom situations and bathroom bonding. These specific details make intoxication feel real rather than abstract.

Consider context of drinking. Social drinking creates different behaviors than drinking alone to cope. Celebration drinking has different tone than nervous liquid courage. Peer pressure and competition affect consumption. Context shapes the scene and character's relationship with alcohol.

Handle dangerous scenarios responsibly. Alcohol poisoning is medical emergency requiring immediate attention. Drunk people are vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Impaired consent is not consent. Drunk driving is serious with deadly consequences. If including these situations, treat them with appropriate weight rather than minimizing dangers.

Different people drunk differently based on personality, tolerance, context, and what they're feeling. Stressed character might be sad drunk. Outgoing character might become even more extroverted. Angry character might pick fights. Match drunk behavior to who the character is sober—alcohol amplifies and disinhibits but doesn't completely transform personality.

Most importantly, remember alcohol impairment is progressive and has real consequences. One drink doesn't cause instant inebriation. Heavy drinking means hangover with physical and emotional aftermath. Time is only thing that sobers someone up. Coffee, cold showers, and willpower don't metabolize alcohol faster. Respect these realities to create authentic intoxication that serves your story without cartoonish exaggeration or minimizing genuine dangers.