Donor-focused writing emphasizes what donors care about—impact, outcomes, their role in change—rather than what organizations want. According to fundraising research, donor-centered appeals raise 35-50% more than organization-centered appeals with identical asks.
Organization vs. Donor Focus
| Organization-Centered | Donor-Centered |
|---|---|
| "We need your help" | "You can provide..." |
| "We are expanding our programs" | "More families will receive..." |
| "We need $50,000 to keep doors open" | "Your gift ensures 500 families continue receiving support" |
| "We won an award" | "Thanks to you, our programs are nationally recognized" |
Comment Templates
**Excessive "we":** [Donor focus: Too much organizational focus. Add more "you" language emphasizing donor role.] **Needs-based framing:** [Donor focus: Reframe from organizational need to donor impact. "We need $25,000" → "Your gift of $25 provides..."] **Process description:** [Donor focus: Donors care about outcomes, not processes. What change results from this activity?] **Missing donor connection:** [Donor focus: Add bridging language: "Your support makes this possible."] **Vague impact:** [Donor focus: Be specific. What exactly changes in people's lives?]
Before/After Examples
| Before | After |
|---|---|
| "We serve 500 families" | "You help 500 families achieve stability" |
| "Our staff conducts home visits" | "Families receive personalized in-home support" |
| "Please donate to our organization" | "Please give today to provide safe shelter for a family" |
Quick Diagnosis Checklist
- ☐ Does opening paragraph start with "you" or "we"?
- ☐ Are there 3+ consecutive "we" sentences?
- ☐ Does ask emphasize donor impact or organizational need?
- ☐ Are impact descriptions specific or vague?
- ☐ Is gratitude genuine and connected to impact?
FAQ
Can you use "we" at all?
Yes—but balance with "you." "We" is necessary sometimes. Problem is overuse. Aim for 2:1 ratio of "you" to "we."
How do you critique without discouraging writers?
Lead with what works, then address changes. "Strong impact data. Consider reframing to emphasize donor role in achieving these outcomes."
Can AI help identify organization-centered language?
Yes, River's Donor Focus Tool automatically flags "we need" language and suggests donor-centered alternatives. Makes feedback fast and consistent.